"Life is So Short" She Said

I rummaged through the piles of plastic that came with the large stock of eco-baskets which the weavers just brought to the office. Then I grabbed a hand-woven piece and read its serial number out loud to Lucy so that she could note down the stock. It wasn’t easy when there was so much information on the label.  Most of the time, before I could mouth the serial number, Lucy would bob her head up and push her glasses up her nose bridge before she cite the number effortlessly.

“Is that a ‘Pinnochio Shoe’?” She suddenly said, referring to the unique piece I held in my hands.

“Err, yeah.”I replied.

Nodding, she recited the whole serial number to me, that bought me time to catch up with her on the next few items. She was one fast middle-aged lady!

And a one-woman show for the eco-basket project!

 

Aww, I'm smiling already!

Lucy’s commitment to volunteer work with the eco-basket project at eHomemakers and the Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE) Association (not to mention her duties as a wife and mother) – sees her traveling back and forth between Kajang and Kuala Lumpur / Petaling Jaya (that would be about two hours, one-way. Four hours, daily, goodness!), rushing to catch the next bus or a train, walking to offices from public transport stations, running errands and making preparations for events or coordinating other volunteers. 

Although it is so easy for a busy woman like Lucy to get cranky from exhaustion, or maybe even big-headed for being so indispensable, she doesn’t behave this way at all. She just does her tasks, smiles at young interns like me who make mistakes in front of her, and excitedly tells you stories from her past (and maybe offer you salt-sprinkled oranges for lunch).

Lucy wasn’t always the chirpy, passionate, confident, 'go-get-em' kind of person she is today. The woman speaking to crowds at SLE events and eco-basket exhibitions, the woman confidently delivering her story in the 'Portraits of Perseverance' documentary, the woman dedicated to volunteer work that she’s passionate about – a few years ago, that woman was in a shell, shy and passive.

The turning point in Lucy's life happened, because of a fellow Lupus patient – her close friend, Justina Low Yew Lee.

One strong, unique lady -Justina Low.

In life, there are just certain things that trigger some sort of change within a person. That change could be due to a desire spark to make that change, or it could be purely involuntary. Change that can make or break a person.

I know of a boy who was extremely sweet and bubbly as a kid. He had a very creative and colourful imagination, and he often would chatter on about things beyond his years. He had a bright, sensitive, yet confident natural instinct.

Many things about him changed ever since he entered primary school. Due to his upbringing in an English-speaking home, he found it difficult to learn Chinese language. His Chinese language teacher would pick on his Chinese language homework, telling the whole class how he had ugly handwriting and that he was not as "smart" as the rest.

I don't know if the teacher did what she did intentionally, but the impact on her students was made. Many of his classmates repeated the teacher's insults on him, poked fun at him, and refused to play with him. For a boy who was barely eight, the continuous bullying from both his classmates and his teacher reduced his self-confidence. From a child who seemed to take the sunshine with him everywhere he went, who could play with action figures, make up his own clever role play scripts, and name several species of dinosaurs from the top of his head - the bullies in school made him a sullen and sheepish individual, too shy to speak up.

I'm not directing this at Chinese school teachers, because I have had the privilege of having strict but loving and tactful ones. The teachers he had obviously weren't meant to be teachers.

Although the story has a happy ending (he grew up to be a successful individual, with a sense of humour), it's sad how some events in our life can change a person for the worse. 

Lucy’s was a different story than the boy's. Justina was chatty and adventurous. She was a very positive, happy woman who always tried to push Lucy out of her shell and to live life to its fullest. She was that type of person- a source of joy - wanting others to be as happy as she was. Justina had succumbed to Lupus in 2011.

Lucy and Maria Skouras (Photo credits to The Advocacy Project) 

So it seems lightning does strike twice in the same place. Within three months of Justina's death, a very dear aunt of Lucy's passed on. Then, her mother-in-law - whom Lucy had been taking care of - passed away as well.

A loved one’s death is never an easy thing to deal with, especially if it’s sudden. Having someone close to you - laughing with you, involved in your life actively and making plans with you one moment - and then, losing her for good in the next moment... 

When you finally realize that you wouldn’t have the chance to do the things that you've been planning to do with her anymore - it would be a harsh blow to anyone.

Lucy could’ve allowed Justina's untimely death to affect her. She could’ve stopped volunteering at non-profit organizations. She could’ve let herself continue to mourn her loss. She could have gone into depression. She could have kept staring at door that Justina had closed. That her aunt, her mother-in-law had closed.

But she didn’t let herself fall into that state.

In many ways, Justina's passing had sparked a desire in Lucy to change her way of life. Lucy could hear Justina telling her, "Go do it, don't be afraid!"

Remembering her friend's wisdom about life, Lucy started to make changes to hers. She began to step out, speak up, explore, travel and meet new people – things Justina had wanted for her quiet, shy friend. This new perspective of life saw her traveling on a boat in Cambodia with the documentary team, making new friends at an international conference, speaking at SLE events, learning to be a group leader in the eco-basket project, telling her story to the world through the "Portraits of Perseverance" documentary, befriending other strong women figures, and impacting more lives through her passion for volunteer work.

   Lucy - with some of the eco baskets - flashing a winning smile.

Justina’s death propelled Lucy to try and do things that she never would have had the confidence or drive to do otherwise. And because Lucy begin to have that drive, she has accomplished so much a year after Justina left her! Watching her handlng her work with leadership and independence, speaking confidently and brightly, I find it hard to imagine that she used to be a benchwarmer, a passive player who was afraid to step up to opportunities given to her.

“Life is so short,” has become Lucy’s new life motto.

"Life is what we make of it, you can either do nothing or you can do as many things as you can every day!" She told us young interns who were (okay, maybe some of us still are) trying to figure out what our lives are all about.

I did not know Justina personally. But I can see part of who she was live on through the way Lucy lives her life now. Lucy now steps up without shying away from new people or situations, she has overcome her comfort zone. As she is doing all these, she has become even more of  an inspiration for others to do the same. All I can say is, Justina must have been quite a person to be able to leave such a great impact and mark on Lucy’s life.

Photography by Wang Junmey

There will come a time where we will be faced with news or events that might threaten to take away something that is dear to us - our confidence, comfort or people we love. That's where we have to choose between curling up in a sad ball and refusing to move on, or to address the issue, solve it and keep walking.

We're only human. Experiences can bring us down. 

As cliché as this may sound, what I've learned from Lucy these few months is, it’s alright to fall, it’s alright if you don’t handle these hard times perfectly and it’s alright to be brought down, as long as you find a way to get back on your feet and overcome adversity. Don't let it drag you down and change your positive outlook of life.

While you do what you choose to do, just remember that, what Lucy says is so true  - life really is so short.

We only have so many days. So, live.

 

Just live, test your waters, make mistakes, learn from them, climb high and get back up when you fall, love yourself and love others without fear.

Beyond the obstacles that dominate our sight, are stars to be reached. 

You only live once.

by Junmey

Closing the "Portraits" Chapter

eHomemakers will be releasing its documentary,"Portraits of Perseverance" (POP). Before we do, here are some teasers for your viewing pleasure. Our interns, Rhonwyn and Josh met up with three of the women in the documentary for a chat.

The production of this documentary allowed the women involved - who are of vastly different backgrounds with each of them facing unique challenges - to interact, to share and to enjoy each other's company in a way that would not have been possible otherwise. 

From the initial doubts, their thoughts about one another, to talking about the "very cool" eHomemakers intern, Morgan Reed - we've got it all here in their interviews!

Nisha of the Pink Triangle Foundation. (Still looking good in the candid screenshot)

Always confident and ready to speak, Nisha Ayub was very excited to be part of the POP documentary. A social worker of a foundation for transgenders, Nisha has seen and done many interesting things. Like the rest of the women, her experience in the world gave great insight and provided a fascinating angle to the documentary.

The scrutinizing eye of a camera may not be everybody's friend. Not only has it been accused of adding weight and highlighting fat spots, some people just do not feel comfortable being on camera, especially when being interviewed. Nisha thought it felt weird talking in front of the camera for the video journals.

Sulastri, who is also working at the Pink Triangle Foundation.

Well, she certainly wasn't alone on that, as her co-worker, Sulastri Ariffin, too had her share of issues with the camera.

Film work aside... Initially doubtful about getting on the POP bandwagon, Sulastri has come to a point where she's glad she chose to participate in POP. Going through the whole process, she now feels the need to tell her tumultous life story to the world, as well as a passion to "contribute to the community out there".

Lucy, giggling in front of the camera, as usual.

Then there's our sweet Lucy Goh (well it seems being camera-shy is a trend here!)  Lucy's candid recall of meeting Nisha: Lucy gave her a top-to-toe scan (which Nisha is used to) before she said, "Hi'.

But once they started talking during the women's meeting at Crowne Plaza, KL, Nisha realized that Lucy "is very very friendly even though she's a very quiet person." Nisha thinks that Lucy's very intelligent too."

Just like Sulastri, Lucy has gained confidence along the way, as there were do-or-die situations where she just had to speak up! Although she still breaks out in giggles (bloopers!), the woman you see speaking to the camera talks with new-found confidence, as well as with conviction. (Filming her for this video was very fun for the intern team. Lucy kept giggling so the team also giggled, laughed and roared with laughters!)

Now that the finishing touches are being applied on the documentary and things are wrapping up, Nisha, Sulastri and Lucy look forward to moving on from this great life chapter and experience.

And when they do move on - be it to other projects, or to work with women - I believe that no matter how far they get in life, and how many lives they impact, 'Portraits of Perseverance' would always remain close to their hearts. 


by Junmey

Fashion and Sense

Miss Kelantan.
Photo by Colonizing Photography

After my first encounter with the transgender community in
September 2011, I began to be more proud of being 'female'.
They aren't women biologically, but they appreciate women's
physical beauty more than I did, so I decided it was time to
appreciate what God gave me.

I started to dress up more 'lady-like' than before.  My usual
T-shirts and jeans were slowly replaced by blouses and skirts.

I could hear my mom's mind screamed, "Phew, I finally have a daughter!"

She was invited to the 'Miss Transgender Malaysia 2011 -- Fashion
and Sense' by Nisha, but no one wanted to go with her, so I got to!

So, for this special "1Malaysia" event, I willingly wore the saree I bought during my trip to India a few years back. I thought I looked decent enough for the occasion, but I couldn't achieve the the glamour look that the transgenders seemed to do with ease at the event.

Their fabulous looks amazed me.  Maybe it was their makeup?  Their special gowns, and beautifully designed dresses?   Whatever it was, they looked absolutely gorgeous. Their clothes were so colorful and flowy on their nice builds, while mine was made with a heavy silk and slightly too long for my short build.

We went a few hours before the event to interview Nisha for a video journal.  She spoke about why transgenders love to look beautiful.   It is about being who they are -- women, and confident enough to
be show their physical beauty.

"It doesn't matter what size and shape we are,
we are all beautiful!" Nisha declared.

The event is a platform to unite transgenders from all over Malaysia and give them a chance to broadcast their talents and skills





The main hall was occupied by the performers rehearsing before the event,  so we had to sit in the lobby.  Looking back, I must have looked so ridiculous. A 17-year old wearing a too-long saree, sitting on the big puffy lobby chair studying the SPM Sejarah book, charging a HD video camera waiting to film Nisha at the event for Portraits of Perseverance... on a school night!

Although SPM was just about a month away, this was an event that I wouldn't miss for the world. It's not everyday that you get invited personally by a member of the transgender community to attend such a glamorous event, even if it meant waking up early at 6 the next day and dragging my lazy butt to school.

Miss Perlis.
Photo by colonizing Photography

The event was free seating, so my mom and I    chose a table near the stage. There were ten of us at our table. Seven transgenders, a Chinese man, and my mom and I. The transgenders were gossiping among themselves about who and who got a boob job, and talking about what colour eye shadow who was wearing and I heard lots of "Amboooi sayang, cantiiiiiiiiik la engkau pakai baju ni!" ( Like OMG babe! You look sooooooooooo gorgeous in that dress!).


The Chinese man sat slumped in his chair with his arms crossed, watching his surroundings. It was hard to tell if he was as interested in the event as my mom and I through his poker face. How did he even get hold of a ticket?

When everyone tucked into dinner, I couldn't help but notice the table manners of the transgenders at our table. Although they considered themselves women, the amount of  food they ate still showed their 'manly' side. They ate big piles of rice and lots of meat, whereas a typical 'lady' would probably not do so to watch her weight. On top of that, they ate a lot of cake from the dessert table.  But they were so slim....must be the metabolism rate.....

 

Miss Wilayah Persekutuan wearing my favorite dress.
Photo by Colonizing Photograpy

"Our next contestant is Miss Wilayah Persekutuan!"  the MC announced. As the contestant emerged
from backstage, I was in awe. She was dressed
in a royal blue gown with gems embedded on the  back. She looked so proud wearing such a
beautiful creation.  "I would have given up all my dresses to anyone who would let me wear such a  gown to prom!!" I thought to myself. The rest
of the contestants were dressed in equally stunning gowns.
                                           
          
As Miss Wilayah Persekutuan strutted her poses
on stage, I couldn't help but notice her postures. Every move she made was full of grace and elegance.  Time for me, the 'woman-to-be' to learn.......

At the end of the competition, Miss Kelantan won the crown. I wasn't surprised at all. Her poise, her knowledge and her personality were all top notch. Everyone at the event loved her. Who ever would have thought that she was a transgender!

As for me, the event taught me one big lesson --  being a woman is fabulous! (even when your sari seems to be too big on your!)